Say What You Need To Say ... Often

Pride had rather go out of the way than go behind. Thomas Fuller

Between whom there is hearty truth, there is love. Henry David Thoreau

The song to the video I created above is by a wondrous young song/ wordsmith by the name of John Mayer, in it he speaks of "saying what you need to say ", and in hearing the song for the first time I was quite taken aback by the wisdom in the lyric.

What is it about human beings in so many instances in our lives, we seemed to be damned to tell the truth, to put our pride out of the way and just 'say' what is on our minds.

Truth is covered in so many guise's, we tell people who question why "we didn't tell the truth from the beginning" that we did it to spare their feelings, as if to be caught in a lie wouldn't wound us to the core.

Another is "the truth is not all it is cracked up to be", to this I say; I would rather hear the truth and decide on my own thankyou very much, than to feel betrayal from someone in whom I may have had a high degree of trust.

I know with a certainty that in my own life there have been times when I didn't 'say what needed to be said', and it has caused me untold pain and hardship through my life.

My father passed a number of years ago, and in his passing I realized that I had forfeited any chance at clearing the air between us, and in that, set in place a deep chasm of pain in my heart that I carry to this day. He was a man who was ill-prepared for the absolute that is fatherhood, and in being who he was, made himself emotionally unavailable to his family, to his detriment, and our constaint pain; children need both parents present and accountable to be able to grow to be emotionally stable, strong and capable adults. With me, I know it has caused an inability to create solid relationships with men, and that has been a problem because at 57 I have a need to be able to "chum" with some men I know, and yet ... I lack the where-withall to do so, and so feel cheated, and this is no ones fault but my own, for I never forced myself out into the male world so to speak.

"Humans." Robin Williams; from the movie Bicentenial Man

We are an ever un-folding organism, constantly becoming, forever on the verge of greatness, and yet we have the hardest time telling people we either love, respect, or care about exactly what it is that we feel, love or respect in them or about them, and in the end we find ourselves carrying the weight of the guilt of not telling them how we feel; what is missing in this picture?

I know myself at this juncture in my life, I take every possible opportunity to tell those I love, men and women that I love them and why I feel as I do, I never want to feel that there is one more person who leaves this world, or leaves my world that doesn't know and I mean really know how I feel about them. I tell Jaliya that I love her every single day (whether I like her that day or not :) ), this is something I will never not do, for those of you who keep up with our blogs you know how much we like one another :).

So how do we do this, easy; say what you need to say, that's all, simple, children do this naturally until we teach them not to, and that has to stop also. One of the things that is so wonderful about our children is that they are honest to a fault until we teach them that not showing their emotions is sometimes wiser ; when is that wise? That telling the truth all of the time is not tactful ; when is this wise? Teach them to be tactful and honest, it's hard work, but it pays dividends in the end for them.

I would like to close with a story, this is true and about an episode in my life which I wish I had the ability to change.

I had a friend when I was in my mid teens, P. was an awesome guy, more like a brother than "just a friend", and it seemed that wherever he was, I was, and vice versa. P. met his then wife S. and it quickly turned to a love situation, I was in the Armed Forces at the time and S. got pregnant, so they married, I came home on leave so as to be his 'bestman'. The wedding was simple and lovely, they found an apartment and settled in as man and wife. In due course A. was born, and they asked me to be A.'s Godfather, which thrilled me no end, by this point I was out of the Forces and was able to spend time with them all, but P. had a job that was demanding of his time, so as a friend I would try to make myself available so S. could have sometime for adults, and I could have A. for a time.

One afternoon, S. and I were sitting in the kitchen having a coffee, A. was having his nap, and P. came into the apartment, took one look at me and said "What the hell are you doing here?" and started slinging accusations at S. and I that were totally out of order. To this day I have no idea where any of that came from, he pushed me out of the apartment, slammed the door in my face and I never saw either S., or my Godson A. again , and years later found out they had divorced shortly after this incident, and have since disappeared.

Years later I saw P. one day sitting in the drivers seat of a cab, I approached him, and said "P., how are you man, it's been so long." To this he said" f@#k you" and drove away, leaving me standing, slack jawed in his wake. I don't understand anymore today than I did at the time why this happened, although I can put some maturity to it at this point and surmise that what initially happened embarassed P., and being the type of person I know him to be, he couldn't say what needed to be said at the time. It has more than likely taken a real toll on his soul, for I know, or knew the man, and he is a prideful individual. So to him at this time I would like to say "P., if you are out there, I feel your pain, I'm sorry we couldn't talk it over brother, and I'm sincerely sorry for not being able to be there for you, I've missed you for years."

To S. and A., what can I say, I've missed you two and wish I knew what happened, I never gave P. any reason to believe that he had to be jealous or anything of a kind, I hope life treats you all well, and that there is peace in it for you all.

And so another page turns, life goes on, and we need to all remember "Say what you need to say" always.

Love, peace, and blessings on you all.